Blog | Mediation Blog Minnesota | Bickford Mediation

When Is Conflict Real?

Conflict can occur any time in a church or a family. But often times conflict can be a symptom of some other emotion or issue. We are all familiar with the “kick the dog syndrome.” A man takes out his frustration from work on his pet, or his family. A teen about to graduate lets…

Change of Seasons Influences

People get cranky this time of year. In Minnesota September weather gets frosty at night and it’s also often cloudy and rainy during the day. So it is that when this happens we fight. We fight in our marriages because we’re tired. We fight in our churches because we may want things to stay the…

Dealing with Troublemakers in Mediation

In mediation, there are always going to be folks who seem to want to disrupt the process. Perhaps they don’t really understand what mediation is, perhaps they don’t want to compromise or perhaps they simply want to mediate but are unable to due to conflicting emotions. Certainly one way to deal with these folks is…

Troublemakers in the Church

There are always folks in any congregation who are troublemakers. Usually it often wrecks a church, and rarely resthey want things their way and oppose leadership or the pastor. Many of these people are big givers (or thought to be big givers), or in smaller congregations charter members or members of the dominant family (often…

How Many [fill in the blank]s Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

How many (you fill in the denomination)s does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Change? It is certainly true that for most folks, change is not easily accepted in the church. People will tolerate change at work, home, and in government far more easily than in their churches. Perhaps it’s because for churchgoers,…

Conflicting Church Visions

Recently I had the privilege of a conversation with Melanie Wallschlaeger, mission developer for SW Washington Synod, ELCA, she impressed upon me the need for care in developing the vision for a church. A vision needs to connect the community to God, to the community and to each other; to community it’s esp. important not…

Conflict Mediation Encouragement

There is a certain amount of dependence of the mediator in mediation. He or she is the pro, and his or her word is respected. If I say, “You’re very close,” or “You’re not going to get agreement today,” that can be accepted as truth. So it is very important to be positive yourself as…

Suitable Candidates for Mediation

When is a person not suited to mediation? Various Chemical dependency and mental health issues come to mind. If a person is so locked in their position that they will not consider any alternatives then mediation should not be encouraged. Unfortunately, people are ordered to mediation and at times they are following court orders without…

Boundaries in Church Families

The closer the family, the greater the need for good boundaries. it is in congregations where “enquiring minds want to know” that there is the greatest danger of conflict. One thinks of a close knit community as one where everyone knows everything about everyone else but this is not quite true. In Main Street, Sinclair…

Togetherness in Mediation

Togetherness is an illusive quality in mediation yet it is precisely why people come to mediation in the first place. It is because they can’t work together that they come to mediation for help. Togetherness is not only useful but necessary: unless both parties (or all if more than two) truly agree, there is no…