Expectations and Competing Values

One of the most difficult aspects of mediation is managing expectations. It is possible to have a “win” in mediation where you get exactly what you want. It’s possible for the other party to get a “win” as well. However, in the vast majority of conflicts parties must decided to give somewhat on their positions or change their attitude. What is helpful is to think of the situation in terms of values. In most cases, it it better to have a conflict solved so that it does no more damage (even if the solution is less than ideal) than it is to let it fester. For example, in child custody mediation, it’s better for the child to have some schedule of parenting time than to have no schedule.

The danger in some circumstances is this: if parties try to totally avoid a conflict, believing an uneasy peace is better than no peace, that’s a problem. Unless an issue is brought up it can never be solved and really avoiding conflict qualifies as no solution.

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