Blog
Christmas Conflict
In the Christmas Season is when conflict from the whole year can come to a critical point. The parenting issues you’ve been ignoring can be a problem. Minor differences in values and ideas can become magnified by pressure from family and friends to do things a certain way. Most often, mediation can help avoid Christmas conflict in…
Read MoreSeasons of a Church for Mediation
The best time to mediate in churches is when members are not busy. Don’t try to mediate churches during December unless absolutely essential. If you’re in a farming community, don’t try to mediate in late fall harvest or spring planting time. If you have business people, tax time is not great. Unfortunately, when people are busiest,…
Read MoreSystems’ Comfort: Resistance to Change
Most people love comfort: food, activities, people. What makes things “comfortable” is how familiar the thing is. The comfort food we all crave is usually foods from our youth; the activities that are comfortable we’ve done a hundred times. the reason I used comfortable in quotes above is because in systems whether family, work or…
Read MoreFall and Mediation
By now, many couples are getting frustrated by the litigation process they started in the Spring when they finally decided to separate. I get many clients in the fall. Sadly, it’s only after many have spent thousands on attorneys. I have many friends who are attorneys and yet there are many attorneys out there who…
Read MoreMediation and Transference
When I was a chaplain, there were occasionally times when I would meet a new patient and they would want nothing to do with me. Rarely, there were times when people even called me names or told me to leave using swear words. I soon realized this had little to do with me, as these…
Read MoreMediation and Self Involvement
Is it possible to mediate your own disputes, whether church or marriage? Yes, but it tends to be difficult as the role of mediator implies neutrality and it’s hard to be neutral when dealing with your own problems, especially if the other person is driving you crazy. Here are some tips if you want to…
Read MoreMourning in Conflict
Mourning in conflict can take on many forms. Most times the mourning can begin only when the relationship is severed or healed. Even if healed, one can mourn the loss of what you had before the change or rift, especially if one party to the conflict has changed dramatically. If the relationship is in bad…
Read MoreDivorce Corp
The movie Divorce Corp is out, with limited screenings throughout the US. I have not seen it, but it is purported to be an expose on the divorce industry and attorneys in particular. It is hard to be a family law attorney these days. There are fewer divorces as the baby boomers move toward retirement. Just…
Read MoreChurch Conflict
It is natural in a church conflict to want to has some power to control one’s own destiny. But it may not be in the best interests of the church, especially when its polity defines a clear process for conflict resolution. In Catholic churches, it may be the bishop who has the final say in…
Read MoreDivorce Mediation Versus Church Mediation
People often ask me how I can stand to do divorce mediation. Actually, I find divorce mediation easier than church mediation. In divorce mediation, the parties tend to focus on two things: money and kids. Both parties have to have money to live on and both usually want what is best for the kids, though…
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