When Is Conflict Real?

Conflict can occur any time in a church or a family. But often times conflict can be a symptom of some other emotion or issue. We are all familiar with the “kick the dog syndrome.” A man takes out his frustration from work on his pet, or his family. A teen about to graduate lets loose on his family because a) the family will take it and b) he doesn’t know how to separate well from his family after being so close. A church member starts a conflict in the church over some little thing because she has time and she’s frustrated now that she lost her job.

The point of this is that often a conflict may really be caused by an unrelated issue. A good indicator is when a person is not able to articulate well why or how he or she is upset. Another indicator is that when a problem is solved another different issue pops right up. The conflict is real: people are fighting. It’s just that the issues are really something else. It could be the real issue is “what does Jane do with her anger?” or “how does Joe learn to leave home without causing a rift that lasts for a year?”

Don’t often take a conflict at face value. Often the conflict is a much deeper issue and may even be a conflict WITHIN one of the people involved