Boundaries in Church Families

The closer the family, the greater the need for good boundaries. it is in congregations where “enquiring minds want to know” that there is the greatest danger of conflict. One thinks of a close knit community as one where everyone knows everything about everyone else but this is not quite true. In Main Street, Sinclair Lewis’ famous novel, there was great knowledge of each other in the town of Gopher Prairie but that knowledge was frequently demanded and, once obtained, was treated with disdain. A healthy town, family or church is one where intimate knowledge is not demanded, but freely given. It is freely given because individuals understand that others have their best interests at heart. Hence, in a healthy organization if anyone is, for example, absent it is the responsibility of the absent individual to give or withhold the reason for the absence. A healthy congregation does not search until they find the reason for the absence. they simply wait patiently for the person to explain the absence or are content with the knowledge that the individual will explain the absence if s/he feels comfortable sharing. It is when people are forced into disclosure or privacy is taken from them that conflict arises, because it is in such families, towns and churches where people people feel the need to distance themselves from others either physically (by leaving) or emotionally (in conflict). The closer people truly are in a church, the more boundaries are respected.