Minnesota Divorce Mediation

Where do you go for a Minnesota divorce mediation? Most people think of attorneys. Many attorneys who would fight it out in court are now advertising themselves as mediators. I’m certainly not saying they aren’t mediators. They are qualified neutrals just as I am. But that is where the similarity ends.

In law school, attorneys are quite rightly taught to be zealous advocates for their clients. They are trained for long years, are taught how to make a good logical argument before a judge: an airtight case. But for attorneys, building up their client’s case is often at the expense of the other parent’s or spouse’s case. In many cases, it is easier to rip down your court opponent than to make a strong case for your own client. So after years of law school and practice of being strongly on the side of their clients, attorneys need to radically switch gears if they become a mediator. Mediators deal with logic AND emotion in session. They need to be neutral and to know how to deal comfortably and expertly with strong emotion.

Many attorneys can learn to be great mediators. But shifting from advocate to being neutral is like learning to speak another language. After years of speaking Arabic or French one does not easily pick up Hebrew or Greek. After years of being trained in logic, many attorneys don’t have the emotional training and skills to handle strong emotions  in mediations very well. They often run mediation sessions like negotiations based on logical winners and losers rather than seeing new possibilities. They may think black and white when shades of grey are needed, or even black here and white there.

After decades of experience, I’ve learned how to be an advocate and stay neutral. That’s what I was taught. That’s what I have learned in churches in hospitals, in church fights and ICUs. I’ve learned how to handle emotions– my own and other people’s- when they are helpful, and when they’re not.

For law, go to a lawyer. But for mediation, for working out a comfortable solution, first why not try a mediator who has been neutral his whole life, and who has been working with emotions his whole career? I feel strongly about helping folks. That’s why I travel throughout much of my state with my Minnesota mediation services. That’s why many attorneys offering St Paul mediation services, Minneapolis mediation services and outstate Minnesota mediation services don’t do a well as I do.

When mediators deal only with facts, instead of understanding the emotions behind the argument, it doesn’t work well. I like to think of my work as Minnesota family mediation because I help preserve the relationships between parents and kids. I teach skills too, so folks can continue to work together for their children and families, even after a divorce or separation. Mediation works!

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