This post is about fighting fairly. In divorce or divorce mediation, this is very important. If you can’t fight fairly, the damage to yourself or to you children can be immense, perhaps even irreparable.
How do you do fight fairly? Well, first it helps to be in the right frame of mind. For example, many couples fight when one or the other is irritable. Low blood sugar can cause irritability and make it more difficult to speak respectfully or listen. So eat before you have an important discussion. Second, be prepared to listen, and listen well. This actually is quite difficult. If you can listen well, then you can let the other person know what she/he said after he/she is done talking?
Why does this listening matter so much when fighting fairly? Well, if you show you understand what the person is saying, rather than simply saying what you want to say, it can really help build empathy: you really DO understand! If you show you understand, then they are prepared to listen to YOU. If it’s not possible for you to listen, or for you to understand the other person, you may need a counselor to help you understand or a mediator to help you interpret what the other is saying, and how to solve the impasse, if it gets to a “roadblock.”
Don’t wait to call someone to help if you have trouble listening or explaining so the other person can understand. The smaller the problem, the easier it is to fix, whether you’re in a relationship or getting out, or if you have trouble with your ex about a parenting matter. If that’s the case, Please call me! I could help- a lot! With me to help, couples can fight fairly! Glen