Enjoy Fun in the Sun, not Divorce Court: Are You Locked in?

Mediation Pitfalls: Getting “Locked-In”

One of the hardest things to handle in divorces is getting “locked-in.” Locked-in means you are stuck in one position. There is only the problem and your solution is the only possible solution.https://www.sdcba.org/?pg=FTR-Nov-2017-4 While that is possible, it is quite unlikely. Often your ex-to-be feels the same way and that sets you both up not only for a messy divorce but a full-blown court battle. Such a battle may mean you lose most of your assets, so there is no money available for retirement or kids’ college educations.

Alternatives to “Locked-In”

The important thing in divorce is to stay flexible, if at all possible. People who are divorcing are stressed. You may not get all the information you need to solve your problem. Stress limits the options you can think about. That’s why mediation is so valuable. In court with attorneys, there may be only two solutions: yours and theirs. But 95% of the time there are many solutions, or a combination of solutions (part of your solution, part of theirs, or another solution neither of you thought about. At times there are many solutions, so you have to spend time evaluating which of the possible solutions works best. A good solution takes time.

Mediation Can Work

If you have unreasonable expectations of mediation or court (the other person, or the judge, will SURELY agree with me when they hear my reasoning) that’s a problem, and your attitude may have, in part, gotten you to the place in the relationship you are. In court, you can expect that things will not go 100% your way. In fact, you can go to court, spend a fortune in attorney fees, and still have a “solution” imposed by the judge or referee that in your mind is a 0 on the scale 1-10. If so, then you’ll have to wait a year or two, live with the judge’s decision, and try again in a year or two. Not at all fun!

Avoid the mediation pitfalls! In mediation you, not the court, get to evaluate what works. If both parties agree, it seldom happens the judge will not approve what you both think will work. She may question it, tweak it a little, but most times, mediation agreement solutions are approved by the courts. Honestly, most judges or referees are relieved if they don’t have to make a solution, because “either/or means that one party or the other is usually quite unhappy.

Learning to Live with a Win Where You May Get 50 or 60%.

Why would you settle for 50-60%? It might be better than getting nothing. It may be much less expensive than getting 100%. Remember, if you get 100% of what you want, it’s often the case that the other party gets nothing. Guess who will want to go back to court again and again to contest your 100% win? How much will that “win” cost you in the future?

Furthermore, what you consider a 50% solution may in the long run turn out to be exactly what you need. Maybe the other person has a better handle on this particular issue, while you are thinking better on several other issues that need to be solved. Maybe the mediator can guide and shape your ideas so the solution can work better for both of you than either of you ever dreamed.

Avoiding Mediation Pitfalls: Make Your Mediation Efficient and Save Yourself Time, Pain, and Money.

Avoid the most common mediation pitfalls. Be open to the possibilities (rather than being locked-in) will work wonderfully in many cases. Being open instead of locked-in can save you hundreds or even thousands of dollars. And your solution, by yourselves, means that both of you will be likely to follow through with what you agree to. No going back to court. Mediation works. Call me today or set up an appointment here: https://resolveconflictnow.net/glen-bickford-quality-mediation-contact-form/.

Call me if you have any questions 507-269-9079 or 612-670-7980