Divorce Mediation Pitfalls

What are some divorce mediation pitfalls to avoid when doing divorce mediation? One is inflexibility. Do you really need to exchange the kids at 4:30 pm, or could it be 4:15 or 4:45? When your ex-to-be say “yes” do you automatically say “no?” If so, you might want to think things through. There ARE some things that you hold dear and these things are important to hold onto. But rarely is it the case that any one thing is a make-or-break item for you or for your relationship with your kids. Maybe 55% parenting time will work better for you or your ex than a strict 50/50 schedule. Maybe 40% works better for you.

Another divorce mediation pitfall is to be aware of the ways your ex can push your buttons and get you riled up. If you are aware that your ex can do this, perhaps even WILL do this (whether intentional or not), then you can prepare for it. Maybe you can even think of a strategy that will work when it happens, so you don’t have to immediately launch back with pushing all his/her buttons in retaliation.

A third pitfall is not listening. The hardest thing to do in mediation is to listen, really listen. What did your ex say? What did s/he MEAN to say? Why did your ex say it?Was it DELIBERATE, or was it simply that your ex simply doesn’t understand that what your ex says really sets you off? If you listen for the meaning behind the words, you can explain the situation better and why such words or phrases bother you. In this way, mediation can be a win-win situation.