There are many types of Divorce Mediation out there, including those that are “transformative.” There can be no transformation without reconciliation of the parents. Not reconciliation in the sense of getting back together, but rather simply leaning how to work with each other for the greater good of their child or children. When a mediator can focus the couple on the greater good or co-parenting, it is easier to get beyond the pain and hurt of a past relationship.
Conversely, when the couple’s pain is too great, it is impossible to co-parent, or even communicate effectively. It is the mediator’s job to get the couple to the point where they can be civil enough to communicate. Sometimes this isn’t possible for the mediator and therapy is required for one or the other or both parents.
The best way to accomplish this task is for the mediator to acknowledge the pain of each, and lead them to a spot where they can admit their pain to each other rather than simply lashing out in anger. Reminding them of the children, the benefit of co-parenting and the disaster that awaits often when folks can’t co-parent is key.
With practice the mediator can do this instantly and almost subconsciously. For the couple in mediation, tension is eased, relief is felt and the parents are willing to talk openly and honestly about their failings. That is a great goal, and one which is best accomplished over a longer period of time.
But once accomplished, it is a wonderful thing. the parents can focus on other issues such as finances, and perhaps talk openly about their emotions, differences and preferences