Glen’s Mediation Blog

I am finding the need to include more simple explanations of mediation, what is mediation, what divorce lawyers or divorce attorneys do and how court or even settlement conferences are different than mediation. Please see my FAQs and SAQ sections on my website, www.resolveconflictnow.net.

Child Centered mediation is relatively new to the area and involves bringing the child’s voice into a divorce mediation process. This can be done in a number of ways. The most common and least expensive is to have a child specialist interview the kids and submit a written report to the parties and neutral for…

Roger Fisher, author of Getting to Yes, died recently. Below is another great book by him and psychologist Daniel Shapiro                            Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate                                      By Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro                                       A Review by Mediator Glen Bickford   Many…

One of the most difficult aspects of mediation is managing expectations. It is possible to have a “win” in mediation where you get exactly what you want. It’s possible for the other party to get a “win” as well. However, in the vast majority of conflicts parties must decided to give somewhat on their positions…

I have learned over the years not to make assumptions during a mediation about who is right and who is wrong. Whenever I do, it seems that information comes along and by the end of a mediation that proves me wrong. Another thing for mediators to remember is that the people who are mediating in…

Many issues that a mediator deals with are not the real issues. Often times the stated issues are really a battleground for deeper issues, most often issues of power and control. Does it truly matter which person gets a $10 item in a personal property dispute? And yet at times divorcing couples spend more time…

One of the most valuable things that a mediator brings to a conflict is a different perspective. A mediator can offer new ideas without seeming to be on one side or another. For example, there are at least five different ways to divide personal personal property in a divorce mediation.  A mediator can offer a solution…

Many mediators are lawyers but I am not a lawyer, so when people ask me a legal question the best thing I can do is refer them to a lawyer. This makes divorce mediation slow at times. But it it better to know one’s boundaries than give poor legal advice. At times in divorce mediation,…

Sometimes in mediation two parties are more bent on hurting and destroying each other than working things out. They may even prolong a mediation to hurt each other. Sometimes, the best thing a mediator can do is to simply end the session and give parties space and time to calm down. Sometimes this can be…

When confronted by an angry person, try not to make his/her problem yours. Listen. Name, repeat and/or summarize for him/her the feelings and thoughts you hear, especially words like “uncomfortable”. Try not to get defensive. Use open body posture even though you may not feel like it. Observe him/her from a bit of emotional distance and…