Minnesota Divorce: Mediation or Attorneys- Which Is Best?

In doing Minnesota divorce mediation, I often run into folks who’ve called a lawyer before they call me. Worse yet, they’ve paid a $2000-$5000 retainer to an attorney before contacting me. Perhaps the lawyer is already working zealously on their behalf, doing their job, but making a bad relationship with your ex worse. Below are my top 8 reasons for trying mediation before you hire an attorney.

1. Mediation works best before lawyers get involved
When lawyers start to work, they confront your ex via phone, email or letter. That puts them on the defensive; defensive people don’t settle or mediate very well.

2. Mediation is more expensive when you do it with attorneys
If you retain an attorney, often they’ll insist on mediating with you. That means paying half the mediation costs plus your attorney’s fees- often $400/hour or more total.

3. Mediation is less expensive than doing almost anything with attorneys
Attorneys talking back and forth to reach settlement takes time. Accusations, phone calls, meetings and drafting legal briefs might take 20 hours for each attorney. A mediated agreement without attorneys often can be finished in 10 hours, with a total cost much less than half the cost of hiring attorneys.

4. Attorneys are win/lose; mediation is win/win
In theory attorneys make a case for you; in practice attorneys usually make a case against your ex-partner, trying to prove they’re wrong, or bad parents. Mediation respects each of you.

5. Most people know their situation better than their attorneys do
I’ve spoken to many folks who regret involving attorneys. Simple problems become difficult. Complicated situations get even worse. It can take many months or years. When they finally settle, attorneys can ignore their clients wishes and make what they think is the right agreement, often without clients understanding.

6. Co-parenting is easier after mediation
I work with parents after divorce, too. With attorneys, each of your flaws is brought up, even before court. It can be embarrassing or humiliating. You remember forever all the bad things attorneys said. After all the mud-slinging, cooperation can be difficult or even impossible.

7. Mediation is an agreement that you make- not attorneys or a judge
Judges rule on the law, but even after court, they don’t know your situation like you do. When judges rule or attorneys decide often nobody’s satisfied. You’ll return repeatedly to court. If you mediate, you work out what’s best.

8. Mediation is less stressful
Honestly, mediation can be hard at times: both people need to be respectful and honest. But compare that to spending days in court listening to arguing attorneys, not knowing what will happen, and all the financial problems made worse because of attorney costs. A skilled mediator makes a divorce or separation without attorneys possible and because it’s your agreement, it stands the test of time. Mediation works!

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