Why You Should Go to Court When You Get Divorced

Why You Should Go to Court When You Get Divorced

Glen Bickford, Minnesota Qualified Neutral and Divorce Mediator

Many people are relieved to get an attorney. It means they don’t have to do as much work. After all, an attorney works out the agreement for you. She or he fights for your rights so you get what’s yours. If you have an attorney and an agreement, you don’t even have to appear in court; an attorney can do it for you. Sounds attractive, doesn’t it?

But not everything that sounds good really IS good. The other day, I spoke with a man after his divorce. David said even now, years later, he didn’t understand half of the things in his divorce papers. When he was getting divorced he agreed to a lot of things to get things settled in a hurry. Now, the only way to undo things is to spend a lot of money and go back to court.

Mediation is different. Mediation means you do things yourself. You have to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Now that sounds like a lot of work, but a mediator can help you get there. A mediator asks questions like “Have you thought about this?” and “Why is that important?” A good divorce mediator can help bring out creativity and wisdom you didn’t know you had. When you go to court (you don’t have an attorney to go for you) you’ll understand what the judge wants and why. You’ll have the satisfaction of doing it your way!

You see, when a judge rules on a divorce she or he has to follow the law closely. But when a couple has an agreement they bring there are a lot more things that the judge can allow. So working out an agreement yourselves means you understand what you want, what the agreement means, and most often the judges sign what you want into an order with few if any changes.  Mediation means you understand what you want and why you want it. And most often the judges agree, or give you free advice that works even better! That’s why more and more couples are deciding to mediate first, before they go to an attorney. With a good divorce mediator, many people can do it themselves.