Why Don’t More People Try Mediation?

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Why Don’t More People Try Mediation?

By Glen Bickford, Minnesota Qualified Neutral and Mediator

Why don’t more people try mediation? Mediation has been shown to be a cost effective, time effective means of settling disputes. Results are long lasting and parties have a greater “buy-in”-people follow through with their own settlement more than when judges have the final say. Lawyer-led settlement conferences and court battles still rule. Yet the trend toward mediation, like many other trends, is real. If you look at the east and west coasts of the United States, mediation is growing rapidly. It’s growing, but it’s not reached full acceptance by the public, especially in the Midwest. What’s the problem?

Well, I’ve seen many attorneys who can help a mediation but attorneys can make more money by litigation than by cooperation. Attorneys often complain about going to court, but it‘s their “bread and butter,” earning them 10, even 100 times the money that mediation does. This means mediation means more money for ads to get more clients because most cases are solved more quickly than attorneys sparring back and forth. In one case I had, the attorneys stepped out in the hall to argue while the parties waited with me in the conference room. After a while the couple tried to work out a solution with me, and after a short time they did, with little difficulty.

Part of the problem is how we look at conflict. Television dramas portray exciting court battles but have you ever seen a mediation on television? Television, movies and other media encourage competition and win/lose. When was the last time you saw a drama which dealt with cooperation? Boys in our country are often taught to struggle with others, not cooperate. While this builds resolve and healthy bodies, it doesn’t build patience and tolerance, qualities we need as adults for great relationships.

Even when we call someone an “opponent” in a conflict rather than “partner” implies a face-off, a win/lose scenario. Mediation is often seen as something people are forced into rather than something you choose first. News and political programs typically bring on guests to “fight” rather than talk about common ground or even agree to disagree. Fighting boosts ratings and brings in more money.

What can be done to make mediation the usual way for solving disputes? We need to shift toward greater cooperation. We can teach people mediation works and usually works better than fighting. We can teach mediation skills in our elementary and high schools. We can encourage people to try mediation before attorneys. Attorneys are great with complicated property settlements and laws but may not know how to deal with emotions.

We need to train mediators who are skilled in mental illness, grief issues and motivation. Life is complicated: shades of grey and several unique points of view abound. We can look beyond black and white. When I mediate I’ve learned there are almost always alternatives; those alternatives often make the difference between settling and not.

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