Divorce Mediation and Regrets

Whenever people buy something, there is nearly always a twinge of “buyer’s remorse.” Simply put, buyer’s remorse is the sense that you might have done better if you’d waited, gotten a better price, gotten something different, or done nothing at all. buyer’s remorse is very common whenever a decision is made, mainly because of its finality; there are no more options out there to ponder, no way your choice can bring something better. And most times that “better” option means more heartache, more waiting and maybe even NOT the better option you thought it was. Most often, making a decision , even if it’s not quite perfect, is better than making no decision at all.

This phenomenon is very common in divorce mediation. When people choose mediation, Some options seem gone: getting an attorney, doing divorce yourself, leaving the relationship in limbo or simply moving out and moving on without looking back. people do regret mediation occasionally, though mediation seldom truly blocks off other options. In my experience in hearing about divorces, people are more likely to say things like “Why did we try attorneys first? Now $10,000 is gone, and we’ve both said things through our attorneys better left unsaid” ¬†or “Why didn’t we settle this by mediating years ago?”

Sometimes, too, people regret the decisions they made in mediation to get an agreement. But even if that happens, most people understand that getting an agreement is usually even more important than anything you “give up” to get agreement. And the decision you made is a decision you made, not your attorney, not a judge and not your ex deciding the matter alone. Now occasionally people make decisions in mediation that they regret because they were so eager to push through the mediation , because they were tired. But even if that happens most divorce mediators do not hold people’s feet to the fire for 12 hours straight to get an agreement like people sometimes think mediators do. I personally always let people think about it before they decide once and for all.

So even if you have “buyer’s remorse” in divorce mediation, in family mediation, relax! Expect it. A little regret is normal. and usually simply means you understand emotionally that a decision has finally been made. Most people still decide to continue mediating or not revisit a decision made in mediation. And you can always change an agreement later on, if an even better option comes along. With children, things change all the time, and if they do, you can always make a new agreement to fit the new circumstances.

Divorce mediation, custody mediation, family mediation. It is truly a choice you won’t regret.( or at least more than a little bit).

 

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