Summer and Divorce Mediation

Summer is here and this is an excellent time to get child custody disputes worked out. I know summer is busy, and summertime is short. Yet when there is beautiful weather and lots of sun, it’s a perfect time to work out parenting and divorce issues because most people feel great. We all have more patience, more energy and it’s the time of year for moves and fresh starts. if you have to separate permanently, summer is a good time to move households.

Summer is also a great time to try out different parenting schedules, different child custody arrangements. The kids are out of school so if a new plan doesn’t work out, their grades don’t suffer. In summer is the time to plan for fall and school schedules, so you can have a stress-free fall and school year. The kids may have more time to be active, so they feel better too, and there are fewer child related issues. early summer is the time to work out summer vacations with the kids, if you haven’t already. Summer is a time to make those memories with each parent so the kids understand that you’re not separating from them, but from each other. Your children need reassurance and special time with each of you.

One of the greatest ways to make divorces and separations work well for kids is for parents to get along. One of the best ways for parents to get along is to have an agreement in writing. The agreement should take into account each parent’s schedule and each child’s activity. It should take into account the personalities of each parent, and especially of the kids. One size does not fit all! A poor agreement (or no agreement) almost guarantees more problems in the months and years ahead.but if kids see you, their parents, working things out in an adult way, that gives them hope and even confidence that things will be okay. If you look at it that way, a good mediated agreement worked out by you, not by a judge or attorneys who don’t know your kids, is one of the best things you can do. Good for you and good for your kids. And mediation is a lot cheaper than going to court. Call a mediator today!

Child Custody Is Not Crunching Numbers

In my Minnesota mediation cases, I occasionally run into folks that are concerned about numbers with child custody and child custody mediation. These people could be attorneys or people who mediate with me. The numbers they are concerned with are the number of child overnights (used in Minnesota to calculate parenting time), 45.1 % (the overnight time needed to get child support in Family Mediation cases based only on incomes and not on parenting time) and how much money they’ll have to pay their ex-spouse in maintenance (used to be called alimony).

Now I’m not opposed to using numbers in mediation cases (I was a math major once), as they can tell you lots of things. If one partner or spouse has an monthly income of $3,000, expenses of $4,500 and used to living on 8K, there is a problem even if that person has cut back considerably to pare down the monthly budget to $4500. As a mediator I try to head off problems so people will not need to return to mediation later. If parents agree that one spouse or partner lives in a 7 bedroom house worth $400,000 and the other lives in a one bedroom trailer worth $25,000, there may be problems with their 6 kids being happy living in the trailer. A judge might appropriately ask them “What are the best interests of the children?,” and “How is this fair for them?.” and may tell them that their agreement isn’t. Even if the judge lets the agreement stand sooner or later their kids (your kids) will ask, “How come Mom (or Dad) always has to be careful with money and you, (Dad or Mom) have plenty.

Now there are people who have legitimate concerns about how much they can or should pay for child support and maintenance. All too often, however, people who play the numbers game are more concerned about their money than their kids. When I ask them what they want and they say, I want 45.1% parenting time, I sometimes ask them, “Would you want that much parenting time even if it meant paying more child support?” If they say “yes” then an agreement can be reached. But if they say, “No,” then I ask, “What do you think is best for your kids?” and we continue to mediate. Child Custody is not crunching numbers.