Mourning in Conflict

Mourning in conflict can take on many forms. Most times the mourning can begin only when the relationship is severed or healed. Even if healed, one can mourn the loss of what you had before the change or rift, especially if one party to the conflict has changed dramatically.

If the relationship is in bad shape and has been for years, sometimes the mourning can take place before the “death” as it can in close caregivers for terminal patients. Just because a former husband or wife does not mourn it does not mean necessarily that there is more mourning work to be done.

In congregations, the phenomena can be the same, though more complex. People can mourn the loss of a pastor before she or he leaves if the pastor has been “terminal” for some time. But sometimes people can also brush off mourning without having mourned appropriately, and that spells trouble for the next marital partner, or in case of congregations, for the next pastor. In congregations as in families, there can be many different places for different personalities. A conflict specialist such as myself can help diagnose and direct people who are mourning